Friendship: The Good, The Bad, and The Downright Dodgy
3 min read
While working with Barnet Mencap, I came across a video by the Norfolk Safeguarding Adults Board (NSAB) designed to help individuals with learning disabilities and autism navigate relationships. However, its insights apply to everyone. A good friend respects boundaries, values your feelings, supports you, and never guilt-trips or pressures you. In contrast, red flags in friendships include dismissing your boundaries, making you feel uncomfortable, or taking without giving back. If a friendship feels draining or unsafe, it’s important to talk to someone you trust, set boundaries, and walk away if necessary. Friendships should bring more joy, than stress - otherwise it might not be worth your time.
While working for Barnet Mencap, I was introduced to this video by Norfolk Safeguarding Adults Board (NSAB). The video is designed to help individuals with learning disabilities, special educational needs (SEN), and autism navigate relationships. Because this group is more vulnerable in relationships, safeguarding and education are crucial in helping them navigate interpersonal challenges.
However, as I watched this video, I realised that the insights and strategies presented, extend to all of us. Although aimed at a specific audience, these are not just lessons for that target group - they hold universal truths about relationship dynamics that apply to all. And as uncomfortable as it might be to confront these issues, they are things we do need to hear or at least be reminded of. They are as follows:
What a Good Friend Looks Like
A good friend isn’t just someone who sticks around - they are someone who:
Respects your boundaries and personal space.
Listens to you and values your feelings.
Wants the best for you and doesn’t drag you into shady situations.
Doesn’t guilt-trip you into doing things you don’t want to do.
Makes you feel comfortable, not anxious, when you’re around them.
Actually returns the things they borrow.
🚩Red Flags to Watch Out For
Not all friendships are created equal. If a friend:
Says or does things that hurt you, then brushes it off as “just a joke.”
Calls you names or humiliates you online or in person.
Asks you for money or personal items and never gives them back.
Pressures you to do things that make you uncomfortable, like sending
pictures or keeping troubling secrets.
Invites people into your space without your permission.
Acts like you’re being dramatic when you set boundaries.
Always expects you to foot the bill or “owe them” something.
It might be time to set boundaries and rethink the friendship.
What You Can Do
Talk it out: If something doesn’t sit right, speak to someone you trust - a family member, mentor, or friend who genuinely has your back.
Set boundaries and stick to them: You don’t owe anyone unlimited access to your time, energy, or resources.
Trust your instincts: If a friendship leaves you feeling anxious or drained more often than it lifts you up, that’s a sign.
Cut ties if necessary: It’s okay to walk away from friendships that no longer serve you. You’re not being mean - you’re protecting your peace.
Friendships Should Make You Feel Safe, Not Stressed
At the end of the day, friendships should bring more joy than frustration. If you ever find yourself feeling unsure about a friendship, don’t keep it to yourself - reach out to someone who can offer guidance. You deserve friendships that are built on trust, respect, and good vibes. Anything less? To be honest…not really worth your time.
What do you think...?
